For years, the noise of body shaming tried to reach me, but I was too busy listening to the music of my own joy. Today, I choose to answer—not with apology, but with truth.
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On the very first date I had with my husband, he ordered 2 big steaks at a fine dining restaurant in Cabo. As with any other first dates, a “petite” girl like me would down 290 grams of steak.
The next few dates that followed were the same. He’d look at me wide-eyed and say, “How can you eat like this!”
When we got married, we decided that he would take care of the food for our household. He is an absolutely great cook, and I am a real foodie, so my only role was to give him comments on what he cooks.
The bulk of our days are about meal planning since we both work at home. As years passed, he would always joke “if we can sell your genes or whatever it is that you have, we will be rich. Everyone wants to eat like you and stay thin!”
I always travel with my food husband, Nathan Aguilera who is a food blogger and he says the same. However, when we arrive at restaurants for work, restaurant managers also look at me and say “she is the food blogger?”
Like my husband, Nathan also found his own quote about this eating superpower that I have: “nobody trusts a skinny food blogger.”
I did not see my mother for many years. When I visited her in 2024, the Asian mom in her wouldn’t stop talking about it. After a few weeks of eating in her home, she looks at me and says, “wow, that’s your third cup of rice.”
Like my husband and Nathan, she also has a line: “it’s all about genes, and that’s my genes.”
What’s in this article:
The aggressive body shaming I received through the years
Some people whom I do not know will bother to comment on my post about my weight when the subject of my post is about culture or travel. They would aggressively insert the irrelevant subject of my weight through travel posts.
I would also get hate mail via email from people I do not know or have not seen for years. They would say I have bulimia and start rumors about it on the Internet.
As someone who has earns a living on the Internet, I used to be so sensitive with comments about myself, especially with my body. And at the same time, I was also too conscious about how I looked.
Sometimes, the harshest scrutiny comes not from foreign eyes, but from familiar ones conditioned by internalized norms.
What is most painful about this body shaming experience is that they come from the very people who are supposed to be my allies: my fellow Filipinos.
I have never experienced body shaming in another culture or country I have lived. Not even jokes, not even casually – never. In France, my body size seemed to fit in. In Italy, nobody said anything.
In my adopted country, Mexico, the country that fed me the most in this life adventure, not once mention anything about my weight.
They probably thought it in their head, but I was never called out for it in these countries because of mutual attunement and respect.
My body was met with neutrality or quiet respect in countries where I was a guest or outsider. But in my homeland, among fellow Filipinos, those I expected to offer kinship, I was met with unsolicited judgment.
This isn’t just about body image anymore. It’s about belonging, cultural empathy, and the betrayal of expected solidarity.
In the Philippines, body shaming is a casual conversation
In Filipino culture, phrases like “you’re fat” or “you’re thin” are often used as casual conversation starters.
I swear, you might find it so strange as a foreigner, but it is what it is.
My best friend from Switzerland, who is voluptuous and has a bigger build, also said this is a struggle she has as a foreigner living in the Philippines. People would call her “fat,” and she was so confused (and hurt) because in her country or culture, that is not a thing.
Without dismissing her feelings, I told her this is not something Filipinos are aware of, and it is normal because this is the truth about how Filipinos normalize body shaming:
Normalization across generations
Emotions are low priority, as it is in most Asian cultures. Older relatives often see body commentary as caring or observational, not harmful. There’s a generational gap in understanding emotional boundaries.
Disguise for concern
Body shaming is often framed as “concern for health” or “just being honest.” In Filipino and broader Asian contexts, unsolicited opinions (especially from family) are framed as care, closeness, or tradition. But this masks deeper issues: control, projection, or internalized beauty standards.
The double standard of joy
Filipinos may celebrate body diversity in celebrities or foreigners, but critique it in their own circles, especially in their own families. When you are joyful and confident in your body and you’re not a teleserye star, it is often met with suspicion or judgment.
Silence as survival
Many Filipinos learn to laugh off or ignore body comments to keep the peace. But for me, silence can also be a form of emotional labor, absorbing harm to avoid conflict. Filipinos prioritize group harmony over individual joy.
The very people who love you may also be the ones who casually cross emotional lines because the culture hasn’t taught them where those lines are.
Filipinos pride themselves on hospitality and warmth — but body shaming contradicts that ethos.
Whenever a foreigner comes to my country, I emphasized that this is cultural and Filipinos most likely are not aware that it violates an individual’s emotional boundaries.
Unfortunately, emotional boundaries are normal for other cultures but in the Philippines or other Asian households, it is not.
In many Asian households, including Filipino ones, emotional boundaries are often blurred or dismissed—what’s considered “normal” in other cultures can feel radical or even disrespectful here.
I have lived in many countries, and my only rule of thumb is to respect the laws and culture of the land I choose to live in. Sadly, as difficult as it is to understand as an outsider, body shaming is the cultural “law” of the Philippines.
It is normal, but I am not subscribed to it. I put it to myself to have the responsibility to explain to other cultures that this is our Filipino culture, but not one I am proud of about being Filipino.
And somehow, deep inside, I was hoping there was an opportunity for my Filipino culture to evolve toward emotional attunement and respect.
I was once a body shamer myself
As someone who earns a living on the Internet, I used to be so sensitive with comments about myself, especially with my body. And at the same time, that hurt was transformed into giving myself the right to shame other people’s bodies as well.
I had the emotional reflex of wanting to “even the score”. I silently participated in body shaming internally, without saying it out loud, and uttered words in my head like:
- If she keeps commenting about me being thin, why can’t I say she’s fat?!
- Of course, they can say I am thin. That’s socially acceptable. But the moment I say “they’re fat,” I am crucified upside down
- Why would we comment about someone eating a salad and look away when someone is eating fastfood? What happened to us?
- Excuse me, you’re fat. Why should I take health advice from you?
- If the doctor is fat, I am out. That means they are unhealthy. Get me another doctor.
I was furious, and I found it so unfair that they could humiliate me on the internet and post comments on my social media pages, but as an Internet personality, I can’t say these things out loud.
It reveals a deeper imbalance: the public feels entitled to comment on your body, but punishes you for defending it.
Visibility comes with scrutiny, but not with equal freedom. The more public your life becomes, the less you’re allowed to express hurt without being labeled dramatic, defensive, or ungrateful.
Sure, I get it. I chose to be in the public eye (although I do not really consider myself as a celebrity in the Philippines, and yet I am seen as one).
But is it fair that they get to humiliate you publicly and you’re just expected to absorb it silently, gracefully, even gratefully?
And it’s especially sharp for women, for Filipinas, for those whose bodies are read as communal property.
But I unlearned body shaming
I kept quiet through the years about the aggressive body shaming I received on the Internet because I held onto the hope that Filipino culture could grow into something more emotionally
attuned.
I had wished for a culture (and a self) where emotional autonomy, like not commenting on someone’s body, is seen as basic respect.
In Filipino culture, physical attunement or the ability to sense, respect, and respond to someone’s embodied experience is rarely taught. Instead, bodies are often treated as objects of commentary, not as extensions of a person’s emotional life.
I fortunately had that opportunity living and traveling around Latin America where women are respected in all sizes, shapes of forms. It is amazing!
I live a joyful life (outside of the Philippines) where I am truly confident in my body, takes care of it greatly, and listens to it at all times.
Some of the inherited cultures that I had completely unsubscribed from through the years are:
- Eating fastfood (like the US, the Philippines is a fastfood country)
- Eating processed foods (like the US, organic food is expensive so many people tend to eat processed foods)
- Removing filters when I look at a people. I now judge people on what they do and not what they look like, or what they say
I also came to the conclusion that cultural inheritance is not destiny. Filipino norms around emotional boundaries may be deeply ingrained, but they’re changeable.
Through global exposure, I’ve experienced and internalized a different way of relating: one that honors personal space, respects silence, and doesn’t treat bodies as public property.
I am living proof that they can be learned, practiced, and embodied, even if you come from a background where boundaries are blurred or dismissed.
I am not rejecting my culture because there are some things I love and honor being a Filipino. I’d like to say that I am someone who is expanding my culture, bringing in new emotional languages and modeling a more attuned way of being.
I carry my roots, but I’ve also grown new wings. And in that flight, I’ve learned how to land gently—in my own skin, and in others’ presence.
The long road to unlearning body shaming
A friend from Mexico once told me, “wow, Trisha, you are so strong for ignoring all these hate mails and hate comments. I do not have the ability to do it that’s why I am not on social media.”
This took me a lot of years of practice (thanks to the trolls and haters!) until I finally mastered it.
I did not speak about body shaming for many years because I was busy living my joyful life and for the first time, when I left the Philippines, I became so much more confident in how I look and feel.
Instead, whenever I receive hate comments, I silently put myself in that troll’s position:
- “This person is going through something; I should be more compassionate.”
- “It makes me sad that her projection makes me think that she is quite unhappy with her body”
- “Your discomfort is not your burden.”
You don’t owe an immediate response. Take a breath. Ask yourself: Is this worth engaging, or is silence my boundary today?
I’ve also chosen my in-person or caught-in-the-moment response style to:
- “I’d rather talk about something that brings us joy.”
- “I don’t welcome comments about my body. Please respect that.”
- “My body is not a conversation starter—it’s the home I live in.”
I sometimes also try, “what did you do today? Anything exciting lately?” I realized that when you ask this question, people will stop and think, activating their upstairs brain and ask themselves the same question.
More often than not, they will realize “OMG, I just spent the whole day trolling on social media, but I can’t say that out loud.”
Or at least reflect on how their day went. It helps others to process when you ask these questions and help them realize that there are a lot of better use for their time instead of trolling on the Internet.
Remember: it’s about them, not you
Body shaming often reflects the speaker’s own insecurities or conditioning. You are not responsible for their discomfort or projections.
Don’t let unsolicited comments steal your light. Reconnect with rituals, people, and spaces that affirm your worth.
You don’t have to educate everyone, but when you do, it can be powerful. For many years, fear silenced me, and I am no longer trapped in that fear.
You can gently challenge this by modeling attunement and respect in your own interactions. Even if you can’t control others, you can control what you internalize.
Repeat to yourself: “Their words are not my truth.”
I don’t have to comment or fight back, but self-processing is a mighty skill, and I am glad I finally learned it. Let’s stop treating bodies like public property.
Shoutout to all the people who support me
But this is not all a sad story. Like all topics, humans can look at the exact same subject and see different things.
There were many people who became inspired of my workout discipline and my choice to stop eating poorly.
One reader of this blog even told me that she started the small workout routines that I shared on my Instagram stories and newsletters. She has taken the first step to a healthier lifestyle.
Another reader, who was also bullied for being fat, was also inspired to take on her weight loss journey.
Personal healing can ripple outward. What begins as a private act of discipline or self-care can quietly inspire others to reclaim their own bodies, stories, and strength.
Even in the midst of body shaming and emotional struggle, my choices became a mirror for others, not in comparison, but in possibility.
You know that saying about focusing on the positive instead of the negative? This is a solid example for that.
Because life is not all negative. There is always a brighter side.
Lastly, whatever you look like, someone will always say something. For me, fat, thin, round, curvy, skinny, light – whatever shape you are in, if you love you, then I love you.
